Pre-Marital Sex: Where Christians Get It Wrong

I just came across a great post and dialogue from More Than Fine. There’s some really good thoughts outlined and suggestions for what the church should do. For the most part I agree with the blogger especially in discussing how we as “Christians” deal with sexual sin individually and corporately. Yes, sexual sin is wrong. It’s just one of those sins that hurt the ones that commit it and other people them so subtly inwardly. It affects whole communities.

I think it’s true that in the church we may tend to scare and lay guilt upon our members even well-intentionally. We don’t talk about it honestly and with a sense of reality. We get squeamish around the subject especially in the pulpit.

My first few messages as the new pastor was on sex and marriage. Shortly following I received a phone call from a parent that didn’t feel comfortable with the subject matter and having to sit there with their teenage children through it all. I assure you that it was a tame message and I had even given the congregation fair warning for a month before diving into the subject. I considered the call a good sign. No news is bad news. But then again thats not saying anything about my preaching skills. My conscience is clear. All I can say is I try to be faithful to the word of God and depend on the Spirit. Good enough?

It’s one thing to preach/teach about it, but more importantly how do we restore/react to those trapped in sexual sin or that have outted themselves? Do we condemn? Do we have compassion? I know it’s not that simple but generally I’ll venture to suggest that we’re probably not doing a very good job at both ends. In the Chinese church there’s a great deal of guilt and shame. No one talks about this stuff. No one dares to “come out.” We’re very good at being all religious and looking like we’ve got our lives together – no need to bother anyone but internally everything is all twisted. There’s other people who’ve got “real” problems. Psychologically we’re so conflicted and even more so for ABCs who balance different worlds. Religion does not help us. I hear echoes of whitewashed tombs.

Where Muslims Get It Wrong
The most conservative of conservatives don’t fare much better when it comes to porn. Check out this article from the BBC.

Up to 70% of files exchanged between Saudi teenagers’ mobile phones contain pornography, according to a study in the ultra-conservative Muslim kingdom.

“The flash memory of mobile phones taken from teenagers showed 69.7% of 1,470 files saved in them were pornographic and 8.6% were related to violence,”

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sex

plain sex
according to a new global survey, 14% of cell phone users stop have interrupted their sexual activity to answer their cell phones. From consumeraffairs.com report on a subscription-only Ad Age article:

The highest incidence of cellular interruptus was found in Germany and Spain, where 22 percent of users interrupted sex to answer their cell phones; the lowest was in Italy, where only 7 percent reported doing so. In the U.S., the figure was 15 percent, the magazine said, citing a study conducted by BBDO Worldwide and Proximity Worldwide.

now something’s definitely wrong with this regardless of the morality behind it. these stats reveal something about our culture. increasingly, sex is something that is truly — casual. a rabbit trail that may be worth following from this article is whether those who pick up their cell phones are predominantly female or male. who’s more casual about it?

maybe it’s been awhile since i last noticed but i was surfing the toob the other day after reading the report and was astonished by how many casual sex or condom references there were on popular shows. women don’t appear to be shocked anymore when men make reference to having a condom as if anytime in their encounter, sex can happen. now it used to be pretty embarrassing when girls found rubber in a guy’s wallet. that was when I was in high school up until college. this has got me thinking more about the next generation’s attitudes about sex as they watch these shows and accept paris hilton in to their world (who apparently picked up a cell phone in her video escapade). the stats amongst teens are equally eye-opening. cbsnews recently reported that nearly a third of 14 yr olds plan oral sex within 6 months and nearly 20 percent say they’ve already tried it in california.

dr bonnie halpern-felsher who conducted the study shares these insightful words to webmd about the matter,
“Yes, risks are less likely to occur with oral sex. The question is, do you think at age 14 you are really ready for this?” Halpern-Felsher tells WebMD. “You are still having intimacy with another person, and there still are possible physical and emotional risks. My concern is the feeling that oral sex is no big deal. It very well might be a big deal.”

a teenage boy’s dream ::.

a teenage boy’s dream ::.
this past weekend i had the privilege of being the fashion accessory to my wife while accompanying her coach her girls at the northeast qualifier volleyball tourney in baltimore, maryland. i thought to myself, this would be a teenage boy’s dream weekend being surrounded by thousands of young tall athletic girls in short spandex. so…where was i in high school when these things were happening? anyways, it was exciting to preview the up and coming collegiate volleyball players. one of the dads there who happened to be around my modest height of around 5’10” turned to me and said, “…these women pass by and look down at me as if i was a pygmy.” i responded… “try being married into a family where everyone averages 6ft!” tall girls rock my world.

being there got me thinking, what do we make of athletics and the display of physically finely tuned bodies? this question has been a perplexing one that existed also in biblical times where the players were actually naked. jewish christians looked down on gentile customs and avoided such places and events. to take this thought a little further, how about nudity in art? breastfeeding in public? or just plain beautiful well developed people? how about that of scripture telling christians to greet one another with a holy kiss? in asian communities we can’t even get ourselves to hug one another for fear of whatnot, forget about kissing. these are just some of the things that i have come across these days. i’ll leave the art topic for another day.

there have been many misunderstandings about modesty and virtue, the body and sin in christian communities over the ages. just because someone is naked, does not automatically make that person evil or wrong. is the body evil? no. even Christ was practically naked while hanging on the cross. adam and eve were uncovered until their eyes were opened and they saw their nakedness. how should we respond to the naked body? there have been christians that believe that the body is evil. something did change in the garden after they took the fruit. their attention changed. but the body is not evil nor are women.

questions we do need to ask ourselves is, are we tempted? lusting? here in the modern west we have oversexualized and overexposed the body so that such questions are clearly important. but where we have grown up does shape our view of these things. if we were in other parts of the world, say in an african tribe where everyone is naked there would be a different conceptions about the bare body and sexuality. missionaries face this conflict often and are for the most part unprepared. they don’t teach you what to do in seminary on how to work with a tribe where stuff hangs out. you just go. so should we condemn the tribe or ourselves? — context. we need to flush our minds, mind our hearts and go to these places. step into the arena of life. initial contact may at first be very eyeopening much like the fall at eden but the body is a beautiful handiwork of God.

obviously this discussion is much more complicated and ought to be explored more deeper. i just wanted to share about my weekend in the world of women’s volleyball where girls compete with other girls in the male presence of dads or coaches. i wasn’t attracted to lauren because of her spandies. however spandex or underarmour is simply more effective and comfortable when playing volleyball or other sports, guys or girls. thank God for underarmour. i love the stuff and been wearing it myself since playing high school lacrosse. after awhile, you kinda get used to seeing these things on girls. also, we were surprised at the great proliferation of christian clubs this weekend. anyways…i think i’ve grown outta my adolescent fantasies and talking about them.