Archive for the 'men' Category


Interracial Dating – It’s tough to be Asian

Earlier this month there was a study published written by Columbia Business School professor Ray Fisman on theories of dating or choice-making based on data collected from speed-dating experiments in Chicago. Part of the study looked at interracial dating preferences. As you may know I have a major interest in this area. Looking through some articles and the Fisman study there are upsides and downsides.

I guess the good news for some would be that people generally choose to marry within their own race. It is perceived widely in Asian American culture that Asian women increasingly tend to outmarry. I think this study does offer some practical and logical insight. For starters, the study notes that Asian women exhibit a strong same race preference than their male counterparts. There is no evidence of the stereotype of a White male preference. But throw in that attractiveness factor and Asian men fall last.

“For male partners, our main finding is that Asians generally receive lower ratings than men of other races. In fact, when we run the regressions separately for each race, we find that even Asian women find white, black, and Hispanic men to be more attractive than Asian men. “

Ouch. That hurts a bit.

If the controlling factor is preference based on attractiveness…then Asian men are the least desirable. If you’re a good looking Asian dude. . . you’re to be envied.

However, the bias runs both ways…
female Asian partners are consistently rated as less attractive, though we also find that black females receive significantly lower ratings relative to whites. As above, we find that when these regressions are run separately for each race, even Asian men find white, black, and Hispanic women to be more attractive than Asian women.

Asians received low marks on attractiveness from all races including Asians themselves.
For a long time many Asian men and bloggers have wondered why it appears that more Asian women out-marry. Is it really true? Does this study prove that there is a preference or none at all?

One conclusion about preference that the study demonstrates is simply this, who you spend the most time with you end up choosing. Our choices are really more rational than anything. Lawyers with lawyers. Doctors with doctors. These are the people you meet on a daily basis and spend the most time around. Perhaps the factors are more geographic/social integration rather than specific racial preferences. What choices do you have? This tendency goes for race and religion as well. The bloggers at Poplicks summarizes these findings well.

The full study can be downloaded here in pdf form.
Other research by OSU’s Zhenchao Qian [pdf download]. Article by Ray Fisman, An Economist Goes to the Bar, and solves the mysteries of dating

This reminds me of a story from pioneering pastor David Gibbons of NewSong who’s a Korean-White mix. He attended Bob Jones University south of the Mason-Dixon line at a time where he was one of a handful of Asian faces. He had to indicate what race he would date and so Dave thought his chances were higher if he would check off White. This was a very practical and logical decision not because he had a preference for White women. BJU didn’t look too favorably upon this but how could Gibbons decide? If you’ve seen David Gibbons in person, he don’t look very mixed at all. He looks very Korean.

Sorry Dave if I butchered your story. I love you man.
The school only lifted its ban on interracial dating in 2000.
So is it tough to be Asian? or not?


Daddy Survey

wanna be a better dad? i know i do.
my boy tony, creator of the healthcare blog, needs your help to help superdads everywhere with savvy daddy. first he’s trying to get as many dads as possible to take this 10min web survey. so check out the link below and pass it along to savvy daddies like you.

or go directly to the survey here

need incentive? ok, one lucky dad will win $200 in American Express Gift Cheques (or if you choose, savvy daddy will donate the $200 to your selected charity). plus, you’ll be helping them figure out how to create something that’ll be useful and fun for you.


marriage and housework

i think this research is a bit off but a recent study highlights that co-habitant partners divide up housework more evenly than married couples do (essentially saying that husbands do less housework than their wives) even if they share an egalitarian (where women and men are equal) p.o.v.

men housework

the article doesn’t share much information about their conclusions so i don’t think it’s an entirely fair or accurate assessment even though more husbands can probably do more housework. but it grieves me a bit because this news just makes marriage appear less honorable and even less of an option to a much contemptuous society.
is marriage about equality?
there are men who do more housework than women. they’re out there. right?
i do housework because i’m slightly OCD. seriously. i must have a clean bathroom and bedroom.
ok i just need order. and clean.
do i need to start a new facebook group on husbands that do housework?

The age-old stereotype that women do more housework than men has gotten more credibility with a George Mason University study co-written by sociologist Shannon Davis.

The study of more than 17,000 people in 28 countries found that married men report doing less housework than men who are live-in boyfriends. This study was recently published in the Journal of Family Issues by Davis and co-authors Theodore Greenstein and Jennifer Gerteisen Marks of North Carolina State University.

According to Davis, the key finding of the study is that it suggests the institution of marriage changes the division of labor. Couples with an egalitarian view on gender—seeing men and women as equal—are more likely to divide the household chores equally. However, in married relationships, even if an egalitarian viewpoint is present, men still report doing less housework than their wives.

Marriage as an institution seems to have a traditionalizing effect on couples—even couples who see men and women as equal,” says Davis. While the researchers did not follow cohabitating couples over time to see if their division of housework changed after marriage, their study provides a “snapshot” in time of couples all over the world.

“Our research suggests that couples across many countries are influenced by similar factors when deciding how to divide the housework,” she says. “It’s the way the society has defined what being married means, the institution itself, that affects behavior.”

do women really do more work than men? [link: timesonline]

here’s some slightly positive news from a WSJ article in 2005?

A new study proves for the first time that men actually do a bigger share of household chores than their wives admit. Shedding new light on the decades-old battle between men and women over housework, the study of 265 married couples with children, published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family, shows that wives estimate, when asked, that their husbands do 33% of the housework. But when researchers tracked men’s actual housework time, they found husbands were shouldering 39% of the chore load.

c’mon guys. housework and sex are related don’t you know?
Newsweek article on “The Married Male Mind”

So housecleaning and happiness are related?
In writing the book, I kept seeing the parallel between housework and sex in the interviews. Men said the happier their wives were in the division of housework, the happier the men were with their sex lives. We even looked at the numbers and found that there’s more sex in the relationship if the wife is happy with the division of housework. It doesn’t have to be exactly equal, the wife just has to think it’s fair. When a woman comes in she notices if it’s a mess, it’s often socialized in [her] that [she is] more responsible for the look of the home So if he can recognize that by doing a fair share, then he is often rewarded with sex. She’s not as angry, or burdened and she’s not as tired.


Al Gore and His Chinese-American Son-in-Law

Gore Marriage
woo-hoo. is this newsworthy? is the focus about a celebrity wedding? or al gore? not really. pretty unremarkable although Gore has gained significant status making the cover story for this month’s fast company. he’s gained points in my book from since i was at apple.

as others cite, the only thing remarkable about this wedding is the fact that the groom is not what or who you’d expect to marry the former VP’s daughter.

an chinese-american dude and a famous white girl. i feel like we’re family. well kinda.
sorry if you don’t think this is big news but i’m much more sensitive to these kind of bi-racial marriages since i’m a statistic and as others note it’s pretty rare to see asian american dudes getting hitched in this way. afterall after the week i had, i think i needed this.

Sun Jul 15, 1:00 PM ET
Al Gore’s youngest daughter Sarah was married Saturday night at the Beverly Hills Hotel, according to a family spokeswoman.
Sarah Gore, 28, married Bill Lee, 36, a Los Angeles businessman, said spokeswoman Kalee Kreider.
Kreider declined to give any further details.
The daughter of the former vice president and Democratic presidential nominee is a Harvard graduate and a medical student at the University of California, San Francisco.
Sarah is the third of Al and Tipper Gore’s four children. Their oldest daughter, Karenna, 34, is married to Drew Schiff. Kristin Gore, 30, is married to Paul Cusack. Al Gore III, 24, is single and lives in Los Angeles.


The Asian American Male Identity [extended]

gosh i’m blogging a storm today just to make up for lost time.
here’s some more coverage on the event with yul kwon from other blogs:
an actual clip on the discussion on youtube

• read “the words of asian american men” posted here and also here
• also cited by next gener.asian church


The Asian American Male Identity

Asia Society
In wrapping up Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, The Asia Society held a discussion on Shattering the Stereotypes: The Asian American Male Identity featuring Yul Kwon (winner of Survivor Cook Islands), Aasif Mandvi (The Daily Show), and Jeff Yang (SF Pop Culture Columnist and author among other things). It went better than I expected plus I ran into my friend Won Kim of Adiversity, Inc.

On Image
I posted about Yul and Survivor during that season’s run and had become a Yul fan when he said that he was trying to play the game with as much integrity as possible. I was like, can that be done? and can an Asian American actually win? I was definitely interested in how the Asians would be portrayed on the show. It was neat for me to hear his perspective of how things really went down apart from the edited version viewers were exposed to. The images of AsiAms portrayed in media are more often than not disappointing. Apart from your stereotypical kungfu mavens (bruce lee) and zen masters (mr miyagi), they’re either too weak, insecure, small, geeky, uncool, oversexualized, asexual, maniacal and in the end they never win, they never get the girl. We never see strong leadership. It hits a nerve because it’s the worst of what we seen in ourselves. It’s what we don’t want to be or be seen as by those different than us and by that most likely meaning white skinned and cool – the people we go to school with. But I’m glad to say with Yul we do see something different. He’s what we want to be in many ways. Actually, according to him if the producers had let it most of the AsiAm team would have shown viewers a very different side of Asian American women (becky), men(yul) and sexuality (brad). We just want to be able to say we’re not what you think we are even if that’s what we look like or who we may be when we wake up and look in the mirror every morning.

On Men
Asian American male identity is a very complex thing. The question last night was not so much what is Asian American manhood but simply questioning the notion of what should a man be? there’s been a rise of books in the last few years especially in Christian circles (wild at heart by john eldridge) trying to rediscover that but I find them mostly incomplete and unsatisfying. I’m now interested in this topic more than ever as I try to raise my son to be one.

It’s such a critical question. I think it’s possible that Asian American males can begin leading the way to shape and redefine our notions of manhood, especially the part that often gets left out – the responsibility of manhood. Ingrained in our ethos is hollywood portrayals of the strong, dominant, heroic and fearless male image and now the more sensitive and romantic types (think Matthew McConaughey) even the trying to still live like your in college funny guys (Adam Sandler). These guys with their pretty faces can kick ass and get the girl but we never get to see them handle their business. That leads us to another question, can we get the girl? More bluntly, can we get white girls? If getting just a girl is the goal, getting a white or non-asian girl is like bonus points as if this were some sort of game. There are indications that AsiAm men are becoming more appealing being seen as the types that can bring home the bacon and even care about homelife. At the turn of the millenium Newsweek published an article on “Why Asian Men are on a Roll” (was that a pun?) and how they may just be the next trophy boyfriends…(how about husbands?) Another remark, “They are the fashion accessory of the moment for white women.” An accessory? C’mon now. I had fun with this article and congratulated my wife-then-girlfriend on her trendiness. Getting a date issues aside I do think Asian American men have the ability to integrate both the best of the east and the west and options of Man that have not been explored here.

On Mentors
The discussion ended with the topic of mentoring. For many of us who are Gen-X/Y, there’s a real dearth of mentors especially in a culture of elders that have not historically sought to reach out, down, and pull up. There’s no old boys club that we can draw from. We’re it. What will be the future of the Asian American male identity? We’re making it happen now for the generations after us. It’s on.
Asia Society


brooklyn son ::.

brooklyn son ::. home coming

city hall ::. 11:37am | BQE ::. 11:48am | 36 & 12th :: my corner ::. 11:58am | the house i lived in the longest. home.

i love driving through brooklyn. sun breaking through the clouds. hot97 on the dial. craig mack bringing a brand new flava in ya ear. prospect park. church ave. i’m home. there are different faces. the writings on the wall have changed to tell new stories of glory and fame. i’ve moved on, said goodbye a long time ago. i kept on driving. i’m not home yet.

men must know their true purpose in life and live it.
save your life and lose it. lose it and save it. matthew 16.25

I planted my seed in unfertile land/ Myrtle Park, Marcy, Flushing, and Nostrand and/ Still I grew, somehow I knew the sun would shine through and/ Touch my soul, take hold of my hand/ Look man a tree grows in Brooklyn
“Some How Some Way” we gotta make it up out the hood Some Day.
“Some How Some Way” we gotta make it up out this life. {Come on}
“Some How Some Way” we gotta make it up out the hood Some Day……
Some Way we gotta make it up out this life.
Some How Some Way Lyrics :: Jay-Z


stumbling ::. we stumbled onto one tree hill las…

stumbling ::.

we stumbled onto one tree hill last night and was captivated by this one scene – regarding pornography. it resonates with my heart.

[ haley ] :: it’s bad enough with all the girls in school and what, now i have to compete with porn stars as well?

[ nathan ] :: i’m a guy, it’s what guys do.

[ haley ] :: dont be a guy nathan. be a man.

i was pretty surprised. i dont usually watch it but i’m more interested now. at least, in this episode, haley’s really got it going on. she further mentioned that the issue is ultimately about protecting her heart. go GIRL.

::. mandy moore’s new upcoming movie, saved! looks like a whole lot of fun. the trailer rocks, lots of good laughs showing how silly sometimes the church does look from the outside. it’s got a really interesting premise, taking place in “american” christian high school (mandy’s got a great knack for this kinda stuff), and some real twists. macaulay culkin is in it too, all grown up but playing a high school student. it’s too weird to see him back. mandy, however, plays a sorta…pharisee..of pharisees. she even used that famous southern baptist word…”backsliding”… it demonstrates further the idea that just because folk go to church, youth group, and even a christian high school doesn’t mean they know how to really deal with the realities of being human and are living the xian life. the group of characters try to navigate through a xian high school together and hopefully in the end find out what it really means to be saved…dunno how this movie will play out true faith but looks like it’s worth checking out. it seems like someone’s noticing an interesting phenom in america worth exploring on the big screen and cash in…


a man of honor and what we worship

there’s a shortage of real good men. we bow our hearts today to a true american hero. espn reported today the death of former nfl player turned army ranger, pat tillman, killed in an ambush in afghanistan. why is he a real man? not because of his impressive physical stature but because he truly gave his life to serve this country. he gave up a multimillion dollar contract to join the rangers, where only 35% of candidates get to wear the sacred black and gold ranger tab. but even more of a show of his character, before the multimillion dollar contract with the cardinals, he turned down a 9m contract with the rams out of loyalty to arizona. millions, it should put our pettiness and the fleeting time enjoying our freedoms into perspective.

“pat knew his purpose in life, he proudly walked away from a career in football to a greater calling.”
– said former cardinals head coach dave mCginnis

real american idols ::.
in reading about tillman and then to read about the possible factors that postulated the latest american idol voting controversy is just perplexing. getting real tired of all this pettiness. being that it’s america’s vote that counts, 24 million votes recorded last week, i hope that this isn’t all that america cares about, especially when it seems like the voters have a tin ear. i don’t know why my wife loves watching this show.

idol worship ::.
journey through buddhist hell. this photoblogger explores a popular tourist spot, the The Izu Gokurakuen or “heaven park”, in japan that graphically educates the essentials of buddhist salvation.

~warning~ don’t browse through the rest of the site. it contains graphic content that is not safe for viewing. but i did think this link was really interesting. you could also simply do a google on the story of the book, ojoyoshu


a beautiful mess – a discourse of my journey toward wholeness

DISCOURSE \Dis*course”\, v. i. [imp. & p. p. Discoursed; p. pr. & vb. n. Discoursing.] 1. To exercise reason; to employ the mind in judging and inferring; to reason.

cruise control
there are movies we watch over and over again because there are certain characters that we are just drawn to. many of the movies that i enjoy watching repeatedly are tom cruise films — i’m part of the recite every line in top gun club. he’s quintessentially a somewhat tormented soul faced with challenges toward maturity and healing – wholeness. while the crowds are captivated by his incredible boyish charms, i’m drawn more to the fact that he’s always on the verge of great manhood. renee zellweger got it right when she said, “i love him for the guy he wants to be, and i love him for the guy he almost is.” i love that about his characters. i relate.

in fact i think it’s the state that many brothers are in — becoming the men they almost is. it just takes a moment of personal crisis which begs for a decision to be made that proves what you’re really all about. take a stand and be a man. i’m looking forward to the last samurai because it crosses with one of my other favorite genres, samurai flix.

life. honor. art :: i’ve always been fascinated by samurai. hurt myself plenty learning how wield swords as a kid. one of my earliest film experiences was watching the legendary lone wolf and cub at a tender age. but the appeal of the samurai is their way of life, living according to the bushido code and spirit, where honor is more important than your body. much like chivalry. all this has deeply influenced me. perhaps it’s in the blood, being asian and whatnot. but being so I’ve learned early on to forsake my body for things that are worthy. we’ve forgotten what honor is today. there’s a striking balance in the samurai between great violence and art. wielding a sword is potentially lethal but at the same time a graceful art. it speaks of our lives that’s filled with furious chaos while existing the beauty of Christ. look at the cross — violence and beauty. looking deeper samurai interestingly are balanced individuals that appreciate life at large which is the spirit of asian culture as zenlike as it sounds.

“the samurai culture leads not only into poetry, but also into flower arranging. and art. and religion.”
— from john logan, the last samurai writer

mastering the art of life
{there is much more artistry and sensitivity in the code of bushido than we can possibly imagine. a samurai warrior spent as much time arranging flowers, writing poetry and learning calligraphy as he did training with a sword. the totality of that culture wasn’t simply that of the legionnaire but it encompassed so much aesthetic response to the world around him}

it’s the journey of a soul. {there’s a part of the samurai culture that involves a great appreciation for “this moment now”. every single moment. because you could die in the next moment: honorably or dishonorably, but it could happen. so while you are alive in this moment, you have to put your whole heart and soul into anything you’re doing. if you’re writing a poem you have to make it the best poem you can possibly create}

life in the moments. {there are the quiet moments of appreciation of life. the ritual of dressing a man in a kimono, for instance — the celebration of feeling every moment of that process} life is like a running kodak commercial … share the moments share life …

ps :: can’t believe my wife shared this with you all. hey punky’s hot

never leave your wingman. never.
“where my wingmen at?”

[american born chinese pastor]
seeks to be that third place for those who are american born chinese [abc] in ministry.
here we may explore issues unique to the chinese church and doing ministry in that context
expand the intersection of asian american culture and christian faith
or simply expose what goes on in the mind of this abcpastor

this may be a bit ambitious or even naiive but i do hope that through the posts we can bring together different faith communities, passions for the advancement of the Gospel and the equipping of the body of Christ.

if you are an abc pastor or have any suggestions or would like to contribute to make this space evolve, just comment.

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