Archive for the 'marriage' Category


Racism on the Decline Evidenced by Rise in Interracial Marriages

Interracial Marriage Interracial Marriage Interracial Marriage

Here’s a tidbit from Paul Krugman, author of the new book, The Conscience of a Liberal, citing that we are becoming less white and less racist evidenced by our rising acceptance of interracial marriages

Beyond the blunt, crude fact that America is getting less white, there’s a more uplifting reason to believe that the political exploitation of race may be losing its force: As a nation we’ve become much less racist. The most dramatic evidence of diminishing racism is the way people respond to questions about a subject that once struck terror into white hearts: miscegenation.

In 1978, as the ascent of movement conservatism to power was just beginning, only 36 percent of Americans polled by Gallup approved of marriages between whites and blacks, while 54 percent disapproved. As late as 1991 only a plurality of 48 percent approved. By 2002, however, 65 percent of Americans approved of interracial marriages; by June 2007, that was up to 77 percent.

Is racism actually declining?
Perhaps a little.
But the system is still broke. Especially when you see life through non-White eyes.

Also See:
• How a New Generation Navigates Through Interracial Marriage from New American Media
Cornell Research Examines Interracial Marriage amongst Blacks
Recent Gallup Poll

Interracial Relationships: UK “Asians” More Likely Intolerant and Racist


marriage and housework

i think this research is a bit off but a recent study highlights that co-habitant partners divide up housework more evenly than married couples do (essentially saying that husbands do less housework than their wives) even if they share an egalitarian (where women and men are equal) p.o.v.

men housework

the article doesn’t share much information about their conclusions so i don’t think it’s an entirely fair or accurate assessment even though more husbands can probably do more housework. but it grieves me a bit because this news just makes marriage appear less honorable and even less of an option to a much contemptuous society.
is marriage about equality?
there are men who do more housework than women. they’re out there. right?
i do housework because i’m slightly OCD. seriously. i must have a clean bathroom and bedroom.
ok i just need order. and clean.
do i need to start a new facebook group on husbands that do housework?

The age-old stereotype that women do more housework than men has gotten more credibility with a George Mason University study co-written by sociologist Shannon Davis.

The study of more than 17,000 people in 28 countries found that married men report doing less housework than men who are live-in boyfriends. This study was recently published in the Journal of Family Issues by Davis and co-authors Theodore Greenstein and Jennifer Gerteisen Marks of North Carolina State University.

According to Davis, the key finding of the study is that it suggests the institution of marriage changes the division of labor. Couples with an egalitarian view on gender—seeing men and women as equal—are more likely to divide the household chores equally. However, in married relationships, even if an egalitarian viewpoint is present, men still report doing less housework than their wives.

Marriage as an institution seems to have a traditionalizing effect on couples—even couples who see men and women as equal,” says Davis. While the researchers did not follow cohabitating couples over time to see if their division of housework changed after marriage, their study provides a “snapshot” in time of couples all over the world.

“Our research suggests that couples across many countries are influenced by similar factors when deciding how to divide the housework,” she says. “It’s the way the society has defined what being married means, the institution itself, that affects behavior.”

do women really do more work than men? [link: timesonline]

here’s some slightly positive news from a WSJ article in 2005?

A new study proves for the first time that men actually do a bigger share of household chores than their wives admit. Shedding new light on the decades-old battle between men and women over housework, the study of 265 married couples with children, published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family, shows that wives estimate, when asked, that their husbands do 33% of the housework. But when researchers tracked men’s actual housework time, they found husbands were shouldering 39% of the chore load.

c’mon guys. housework and sex are related don’t you know?
Newsweek article on “The Married Male Mind”

So housecleaning and happiness are related?
In writing the book, I kept seeing the parallel between housework and sex in the interviews. Men said the happier their wives were in the division of housework, the happier the men were with their sex lives. We even looked at the numbers and found that there’s more sex in the relationship if the wife is happy with the division of housework. It doesn’t have to be exactly equal, the wife just has to think it’s fair. When a woman comes in she notices if it’s a mess, it’s often socialized in [her] that [she is] more responsible for the look of the home So if he can recognize that by doing a fair share, then he is often rewarded with sex. She’s not as angry, or burdened and she’s not as tired.


Interracial Relationships: UK “Asians” more likely intolerant and racist

Interracial MarriageThe UK might start to believe that Asians are more racist and intolerant because of this article. The article cites that half of British Asians say according to a survey by ICM for the BBC Asian Network found that more than half of young Asians would not consider dating a black person. Additionally, almost half believe that homosexuality is immoral while just 8% of White Brits do.

Link to Asians Less Likely to Marry Out

Natuarlly, the article caught my eye as an Asian American then reading on and I found that when they say “Asian”, they mean people identifying themselves as Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi or Sri Lankan. This is so misleading when we read a headline like that here in America – like my title for this post. It’s a little skewed.

I didn’t realize that Brits consider Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc. to be East Asian. There I go again with my ethnocentricity. Does the UK categorization make things easier? Is it logical? A matter of timing? Or is it racist? How do they view Asians (in our sense of the categorization)?
Nevertheless, I wonder if the stats for East Asians are far off.

Stats between UK and US divided by gender
from Wiki and other sources.

According to 2005 stats, in the US:
– About 69 percent of married Asian women are married to Asian men, while 25 percent of married Asian women have white husbands.
– 7% of marriages of the 59 million married couples in 2005 were interracial, compared to less than 2 percent in 1970.
Still interracial marriages or relationships are on the rise with younger Asian Americans (2nd Gen) being most likely to marry out.

Read Asian-Nation on Interracial Dating and Marriage
Also found at IMDiversity

In a 2001 UK census, British Chinese women (30%) were twice as likely as their male counterparts (15%) to marry someone from a different ethnic group. Among British Asians (South Asians, not including Chinese), Pakistani and Bangladeshi males were twice as likely to to have an inter-ethnic marriage than their female counterparts, while Indian and “Other Asian” males were more likely to have an inter-ethnic marriage than their female counterparts by a smaller percentage.

Continue reading ‘Interracial Relationships: UK “Asians” more likely intolerant and racist’


there’s no out

the ten
i came upon this trailer for an upcoming film called the ten. hilarious concept. it’s a movie about our ability to find the loop holes in practically anything but particularly in this case the commandments, the Decalogue.
ten vignettes for each commandment. great cast too. don’t know how good the movie will be but a great idea nonetheless. what an interesting tagline too –

“If He’d meant the commandments literally, He’d have written them in stone.”

check out the trailer here
official site

i love some of the cheekiness of the story and that tagline.

this weekend i’m officiating the marriage union of my good friends
– web and lil soon to be hsu.
it’s my first…gasp!
my homily: with marriage there is no out. there is no exit strategy. you can’t be in one and try to live like you did before. you become something new. two becoming one is a mystery. the couple has chosen rev 21 to be read. what a beautiful picture of promise and fulfillment.

web is co-founder of lil used to be my local pharmacist.


love hurts ::.

love hurts ::. swollen fingers. achy joints. splinters. fatigue. a beat up pair of nikes. nasty tanlines. the result of a ten hour drive to lima, ohio across miles of farmland with 15 passengers. we all took part in a pilot faith-builders service program through habitat for humanity. it was a great week where we actually built something from nothing. it was not just a house but a home. my own spiritual house was under construction. i got to understand more deeply that love does often require pain in the offering.

we may find ourselves living day to day, especially as we get older and experienced in life, raising formidable walls in order not to get hurt or allow others to expose our true state of weakness, the real us. to love and to even be loved requires that we become vulnerable to potential pain, to being hurt, to come just as we are. naked and bare. we may find that doing so allows us to remain true to ourselves. perhaps, in our age of broken relationships we just don’t want to be hurt again because it runs so deep and long. we cannot build a great house on top of our weak, broken, or damaged past contructions. these need to be either torn down completely or restored with precision and expertise by a master builder. to love others in life begs us to be unraveled, twisted, uncomfortable. it’s alright because it is love. this poetic reality is experienced in the sanctity of the marriage bed. women can understand the nature of this much more than men. i realize increasingly how fragile my wife was before she married me and in many ways she still is. how easy it is to exploit and attack one other’s weaknesses. it is all too easy to hurt instead of love.

My hands are tied / My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and / Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away / And you give yourself away
And you give / And you give / And you give yourself away
with or without you — u2 — the joshua tree

i’m still finding new bruises today and i just smile. every slight pain brings a sense of pleasure and satisfaction of having spent a week with people i hardly know, laboring hard to build a house for someone we never met. don’t i sound masochistic in all this? we became acquianted with each other’s habits and annoyances. we looked pass shortcomings and tried to become servants. i’m deeply in love with a crew of teenagers, peers, and a woman who deserves a home and not just a house.

Narrator: The first step to eternal life is you have to die. I just don’t want to die without a few scars.

— Fight Club (Palahniuk)

Habitat 2 Rupert and Dan The Girls of Habitat

Uma  Thumin  Olga
UMA [my hammer::thin, graceful, deadly] :: THUMIN :: OLGA


Wisdom from the Wife

wisdom from the wife
i think my wife is a better writer than i am. she amazes me most of the time, something i need to let her in on more often. here’s her last post from her blog, i married a chinese guy that has had me do some thinking about marriage particularly on how to love her and help her grow.

The Principle Cause of Boredom is the Hatred of Work ::.

OK. I admit it. I don’t like it, but I admit it. I am lazy.

I can be a super hard-working athlete in practice, love spending hours and hours in the kitchen slaving over a hot stove, and on the other hand loathe doing dishes (good thing I didn’t grow up Chinese or I’d never get invited to dinner), allow laundry to pile up for weeks and not mind the endless clutter that occupies my home.

Enter the lazy factor.

In her book, Keep a Quiet Heart, Elizabeth Elliot writes:

“The principle cause of boredom is the hatred of work. People are trained from childhood to hate it. Parents often feel guilty about making children do anything but the merest gestures toward work. Perhaps the children are required to make their beds and, in a feeble half-hearted fashion, tidy up their rooms once a month or so. But take full responsibility to clear the table, load the dishwasher, scrub the pots and wipe the counters? How many of us have the courage to ask this of a ten-year-old? Children quickly pick up on their parents’ negative attitudes toward work and think of it as something most sedulously to be avoided.”

Ah hah! So it’s all my mom’s fault for the sloth that I have become. Well not really. But I deeply regret the fact that I wasn’t required to do chores around the house. My bed was never made, my room was cleaned maybe once a month or whenever company came over and it was perfectly acceptable to leave the dishes for days on end. I must insert that fact that Laurence thought long and hard about this before marrying me. (Now that’s counting the cost!) I must also insert that fact that if/when we have kids, they’re most certainly getting put to work!

Fulfillment is not a goal to achieve, but always the by-product of self sacrifice.

You know…the Bible really exalts a hard working character. Check out the Proverbs 31 chick… “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (verse 27)

That’s what I want to be. I want to manage my household like the best of them and glorify god through my diligence at work and at home. But I feel like I’m getting so obese from that “bread of idleness”. Ether I’m so scatter brained that I don’t finish what I start, or I’m too lazy to even begin.

I’ve come to learn that Laurence really likes a clean, orderly household and early on in our marriage he communicated to me that it’s not just a matter of preference, but that the state of our household really has an effect on how he feels and the quality of his work. I admit that I didn’t completely understand it at first, but nonetheless took his words to heart and tried my best. Two years later, I can really see how a sense of restlessness and lack of peace is brought on by a chaotic home and life.

So the desire to change and grow is there, but I get so frustrated. It seems that right after I make steps towards diligence, I’m thrown right back into the pit of idleness from which I emerged.

This excerpt really challenged me:

“Wouldn’t it make an astounding difference, not only in the quality of the work we do (in office, schoolroom, factory, kitchen or backyard), but also in our satisfaction, even our joy, if we recognize God’s gracious gift in every single task, from making a bed or bathing a baby to drawing a blueprint or selling a computer? If our children saw us “doing heartily unto the Lord” all the work we do, they would learn true happiness. Instead of feeling that they must be allowed to do what they like, they would learn to like what they do.

St. Ignatius Loyola prayed “Teach us, Good Lord, to labor and to ask for no reward save of knowing that we do thy will.” … As we make an offering of our work, we find the truth of a principle Jesus taught: Fulfillment is not a goal to achieve, but always the by-product of self sacrifice.”

It’s really about a change in heart rather than a change in action. How do I view the work that I am given to do?

I can force myself to do the most unpleasant of tasks from time to time, but only an attitude adjustment will produce the long term effects I so dearly desire. Only a change in my character will result in a pattern of diligence being developed in my life.

It’s time to grow.


love…actually ::

love…actually ::
thanks to all you who have blessed me and lauren on our special day through words of encouragement and love. we truly love you, our friends, and wish that we would have more time to spend with you, and more love to bless you. this week will have passed with seeing some good friends from both near and far, celebrating having each other in our lives. these are the best type of weeks. it’s my last week of classes too so i can soon breathe easier.

two years ago on this day…i declared my love for one woman. life took on new meaning and direction. we are a testimony that love is not just about the good feelings and floatin on cloud nine. but rather, “i do” means making harmony out of the dissonance in our lives and world. who would ever put two people like us together? only love reconstructed in his image born in our hearts. now, i know 2 years is not really a significant mile marker but in the statistics of our day, it’s practically a miracle for two broken individuals like ourselves. i celebrate daily. i

cloud nine ::.
some believe that cloud nine was derived from the us weather bureau. according to them, clouds are defined by an arithmetic sequence so that level nine is the very highest cumulonimbus cloud, which can reach 30,000 or 40,000 feet and appear as glorious white mountains in the sky. therefore, if you were on cloud nine you were at the very peak of existence.

taking this illustration a little further, severe weather systems can be directly associated with cumulonimbus clouds. violent updrafts and strong winds along with the amount of precipitation involved with these clouds make them very important to the meteorology community and the safety of the general public. intense cumulonimbus clouds that contain wind shear in a deep layer and strong convection usually produce severe local storms. the summer season in the central united states experiences more intense cumulonimbus storms accompanied by the violent and destructive forces than any other region of the world. tornadoes form from the most intense cumulonimbus clouds.

yeah..marriage can sorta have those moments too.

btw ::. good reading…found a great blog that celebrates marriage in a hostile world…the happy husband

more love ::.
we saw 13 going on 30 on a date night. it was a much needed fun movie after a string of intense real life drama and revenge movies. it’s no “big” but was greatly enjoyable. kinda like a cross between big and some teen movie. but hey it’s jennifer garner.

plus…love actually comes out today on dvd ****

. . .

love and congratulations to our dear friend, “dr” ku. what a journey brother.
. . .

the pepsi itunes give away will expire at the end of the week…get your tunes on.


weddinged out ::.

weddinged out ::.
lauren and i are celebrating 2 years of matrimony. woohoo. we were incredibly blessed with 3rd row orch seating to a sold out showing of mamma mia over the weekend. it was a real fun time. this is a busy month, particularly in regards to marriage. there’s been 4 weddings in a row but we’ve only attended two of them. we continue to talk to students about marriage. there will be a new fellowship over the weekend that we’ll check out for young marrieds. mamma mia takes stage amidst a wedding but the story seems to be a far cry from celebrating marriage as something sacred. it sings the heartsongs of a generation’s hedonistic spirit and consequent loneliness. c’mon, we’re talking about abba songs here, which i can’t seem to get out of my head presently. the music is intricately bound up with all of the characters’ feelings of inadequacy, longing, loneliness, and self–worth. but dang they’re so catchy… almost everything seems like an illusive dream when you’re young and sweet and only seventeen. so why rush to get married to mess things up when life is as good as an abba song? i grow more weary of non-commital hearts that grumble or run when things don’t look so entertaining anymore. people approach church with the same attitude. but marriage ought not to be taken so lightly. it must be sacred. it is a covenant, a holy mystery. it is to be treated with respect and honored by all [heb 13.4]. the jive: dancing queens only grow older and lonelier.

pink on gay marriage ::.
“If you wanna marry Joe Millionaire, go ahead. If you’re a celebrity and you wanna marry your high school sweetheart for 55 hours, go right ahead. If you’re J. Lo, and you wanna marry 18 people, for 6 days each, hey! Go right on ahead! But if you happen to be reasonably minded and have fallen in love and wanna marry your soul mate and make a life of it, and you just so happen to be the same sex, then NO! How dare you! You demon creatures! We’d rather you just buy gasoline and support our war and continue to consume and fear in our country so we can make money off you. But do us a favor — don’t hold hands in public. – Love, Pink”
-pink, featured on the cover of the advocate about celebrity responses to gay marriage.

so…for those who are wondering if she is being sarcastic or for real especially those who have seen the quote from relevantslices, the article features 42 artists who speak out for their gay fans and against president bush’s push to write discrimination into the us constitution. pink is recognized as feminist advocate but is probably more well known for her support in animal-rights issues.

birth announcement ::.
o the joy and lustings of a technophile…apple released a new family of books this week…drool…


i married a white girl – a mini-valentine reflection ::

this weekend will be one the rare times that my wife and i will spend apart from each other because she’ll be in las vegas at a vball tourney and i’ll be at a youth retreat. a whole four days – that may well be a record for us. and of all the weekends, it’s valentines. in the spirit of this hallmark tradition we’ve already exchanged gifts. but i was thinking all this stuff about relationships because it’s the season and people have been asking (btw a deliteful convo jiffyji props to you) … well, what attracted me to my wife?

i guess i could go on and on about her and it is good to be reminded and be ‘in love’ all over again. i confess it’s easy to forget cause i could swear that at times her goal in life is to undo me. but i thought about who am i attracted to? what types of women?

i think that i have always been physically drawn towards strong spirited athletic women. tall but not waify (and i never thought as tall as my wife). i appreciate athletically firm bodies but not like all muscle (she can’t be more manly than me). but on a deeper level, i look for those eyes of determination and discipline that at the same time are capable of being gentle, vulnerable and full of grace. that’s kinda the look jennifer garner gives off in alias. so i get excited when people tell me that lauren reminds them of her. score me.

we tend to look for all these attractive qualites and the things ‘we love’ about a person. these things whet our appetites but at times have little to do with ‘loving’ the person themselves. i think people miss out on one important aspect of loving someone. i believe that one link is compassion. sounds strange but it’s a question that determines whether you really love this person. no doubt attraction is important and it may be a considerable factor in our pursuit of a mate but it’s a real love (*edit…not just “true love”…kirby) when you are able to look at the person not as an object or what they do for you but see through their eyes and understand the world that they live in, that in a sense you can live there with them. we no longer use our own eyes to see them but attempt to take a divine perspective, to see as God does. you share their thoughts and reach out to meet their needs. no one wants to be alone. it’s amazing how many people are in deep relationships yet feel so alone. we can walk around busy streets or browse through stores and find many lonely people trying to fill an unquenchable void inside them.

i love this tall, strong, beautiful woman who i know truly loves me. i love her with all that comes along in doing so. ok simple enough. happy valentines day baby.

top5 female athletes i find groovy right now::
…..1. lauren cacciamani-tom :: hands down…need i say more? ok i will —
honors :: 1999 national player of the year | 1999 big10 player of the year | 1999 honda award | 2003 wife of the year … and so on.
xtra links 1 | 2
…..2. logan tom :: 2000 national team | can they be be on the same list? well lauren prolly wonders how i even dare put this up. i like logan simply because i dig anyone who has tom for a last name.
…..3. lorrie fair :: philadelphia charge midfielder | 2002 national team
…..4. jennie finch :: softball, the “finch windmill” | 2004 national team
…..5. marion jones :: “fastest woman on earth” | 2000 olympics 5 medal winner | mom


this weekend :: yoot retweet, no sleep till monday. must have caffeine…ok who’s picking up the red bull? fuggetaboutit. it’s all God. his strength.

[american born chinese pastor]
seeks to be that third place for those who are american born chinese [abc] in ministry.
here we may explore issues unique to the chinese church and doing ministry in that context
expand the intersection of asian american culture and christian faith
or simply expose what goes on in the mind of this abcpastor

this may be a bit ambitious or even naiive but i do hope that through the posts we can bring together different faith communities, passions for the advancement of the Gospel and the equipping of the body of Christ.

if you are an abc pastor or have any suggestions or would like to contribute to make this space evolve, just comment.

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