Archive for the 'parenting' Category

30
Aug
08

Welcome to the planet Logan Xavier Tom.

Logan Birth-1-8

Welcome to the planet.
Welcome to existence.
Everyone’s here.
Everyone’s watching you now.
Everybody waits for you now.
What happens next?

Logan Xavier Tom, Born August 27th 2008, 5:22PM, 8lbs15oz, 21 1/2in long

I comforted. I took pictures. I cried.
Who is this new person in my life? Up until this day I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly love another child as much as I love my firstborn. Now I have some idea.
God help me.

Logan Birth-1-2

08
Apr
08

SavvyDaddy.com

savvydaddy logo

Jayden Bathtime

Do you want to be a better dad?
How about a savvy daddy?
HospitalImpact.org founder and ABCPastor friend, Tony Chen has launched SavvyDaddy.com, the web magazine/community dedicated to fueling your passion to be a great dad. They’ve got a good start and some big ideas that I can’t wait to see realized.

Go Now!

savvydaddy logo

14
Nov
07

Daddy Survey

wanna be a better dad? i know i do.
my boy tony, creator of the healthcare blog, hospitalimpact.org needs your help to help superdads everywhere with savvy daddy. first he’s trying to get as many dads as possible to take this 10min web survey. so check out the link below and pass it along to savvy daddies like you. 

savvydaddy.wordpress.com

or go directly to the survey here

need incentive? ok, one lucky dad will win $200 in American Express Gift Cheques (or if you choose, savvy daddy will donate the $200 to your selected charity). plus, you’ll be helping them figure out how to create something that’ll be useful and fun for you.

20
Aug
07

Savoring the Moment

The other day I resisted the urge to put the kabash on Jayden’s television watching. He was watching sesame street. I’m so glad that’s still on. Well, I was at the dining table working on my sermon. The credits were rolling and I was about to get up and grab the control and let him know that his time is up. But I didn’t right away this time. When the credits roll he puts on this little dance. He’s so in the moment – so happy. so free. it’s his time and it’s my time.

He’s engaged in his own reality in front of this light box and from the dining table I was watching mine. It was a precious moment taking a breath, watching him dance along with the rolling credits.
I need to breathe more.
Gosh I love this kid so much.

Here are some more moments to savor

That’ll give you a rash. . . I hear child services ringing. [link]


This is why our son doesn’t gain much more weight. He falls asleep eating! [link]

10
Aug
07

Becoming a Bi-Racial Family

Todd and Mason
Read up on my boy Todd Hiestand, pastor of The Well in his process of adopting Mason Carlos Hiestand. He shares the process through a series of letters written to his new son from Guatemala. The process as most adopting parents know is long and disheartening at times. It’s a journey. Different from the experience of carrying a child within your body then facing the labor and birthing but a journey that also gives us insight into the heart of God.
These letters should make you all warm and fuzzy inside. I loved reading them and journeying with my brother through this process.

He and his wife, Melanie, went down to Guatemala this week to pick up their new son and bring him stateside. We joke around about being bi-racial and having that in common now. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

Here’s a snippet of his thoughts,

You do need to know something about the first nine months of your life. Your foster mother loved you deeply (I know that she still does too). For some reason, I didn’t think about how hard it would be for her to pass you off to us. I knew it was going to be for you, but I hadn’t thought about her. For the first nine months of your life she cared for you, bathed you, fed you, held you when you cried and loved you well. And now she has passed you on to us so that we could do the same and make you part of our family. I imagine she finds comfort in knowing that you have changed hands and families for the final time.

Honestly, Mason, I don’t know exactly how to process the role of your foster mom. I can understand your birth mom knowing that in order for you to have a full and best possible life she would have to entrust you to another loving family. I can’t imagine doing that, but I can at least get it a little in my head. But for some reason I think the love of your foster mom fits into a different category. She welcomed you into her home, knowing full well that she would one day have to say goodbye.

todd hiestand, web-designer and pastor.

01
Aug
07

The Family Structure and Cultural Clash in Chinese / Asian Families

Cultural differences are clearly something that we wrestle with more than ever in society, church and even homelife. Things are not simply black and white. Those who live in the margins know that very well.

djchuang recently highlighted two articles from the gospel herald about Dr. Peter Lam (director of Asian Family Today and father of two second gen children) on improving the communication between Chinese parents and their ABC (or not) children. lam points out the obvious problems or methods employed (to those of us who are ABC) – rebuking, punishment, guilt – and he offers simple advice to parents – encouragement is key – and other biblical sounding counsel.

two articles
Researcher Comments on Cultural-Clash in Chinese Families
Communication Must Improve in Chinese Families, Researcher Says

i also enjoyed this thoughtful post from Nikki Toyama co-contributor of more than serving tea, about boundaries, enmeshment and justice. she poses some great questions that i wrestle over with my non-asian wife. how do you manage boundaries on the mission field, in doing mercy and justicework? do you?

I’m beginning to wonder if boundaries are the luxury of the middle class. Is there such thing as boundaries when you’re doing justice work?

I’ve wondered about boundaries, Asian American families, and Christian discipleship. What therapists call “enmeshment” is a common occurrance in Asian American families. Is it an issue that we need to fight against in the Asian community. Or is family therapy culturally bound.

What some might called “enmeshed” has great characteristics. There’s a wonderful sense of involving everyone, and a corporate identity that is a healthy antidote to a narcissitic individualized model. But it has its problems too.

From my limited vantage point, it comes across as parents who are very upset at a young person’s decision. A lot of emotional pressure lands on the young person to comply to their wishes. I’ve heard extreme cases of threatening suicide unless a young person changes their plans. More common examples are sleepless nights, extreme anxiety, etc. Are the young people just clueless and self-absorbed? Or is the older generation enmeshed? Both?

Is this just how things get done in Asian American households? What’s the Christian response?

What’s cultural? What’s Christian? What’s do we embrace and what do we work against?

Back in 2003, the BBC had featured the cultural clash in The Asian Family.
Listen to their program here.

12
Apr
07

i heart jayden not original sin


ok…onward with the jayden videos.
here’s a fresh one of us playing the N-O game.
the terrible twos actually start much earlier than 24mos. i read that it’s around 15mos. no was just one of those words that seemed so natural for him to say. i really wish he wouldn’t use the word so liberally most times but how could you resist when he says it so…cutely.
we seriously have to take parenting to another level since we give jayden choices. he’s learning that daddy and mommy do respect his N-Os but not always. he still has no concept of consequences. just a sucker for pain. like father like son. o original sin. sigh.




abcpastor
[american born chinese pastor]
seeks to be that third place for those who are american born chinese [abc] in ministry.
[i]
here we may explore issues unique to the chinese church and doing ministry in that context
[ii]
expand the intersection of asian american culture and christian faith
[iii]
or simply expose what goes on in the mind of this abcpastor

this may be a bit ambitious or even naiive but i do hope that through the posts we can bring together different faith communities, passions for the advancement of the Gospel and the equipping of the body of Christ.

if you are an abc pastor or have any suggestions or would like to contribute to make this space evolve, just comment.

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