Welcome to the planet.
Welcome to existence.
Everyone’s here.
Everyone’s watching you now.
Everybody waits for you now.
What happens next?
Logan Xavier Tom, Born August 27th 2008, 5:22PM, 8lbs15oz, 21 1/2in long
I comforted. I took pictures. I cried.
Who is this new person in my life? Up until this day I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly love another child as much as I love my firstborn. Now I have some idea.
God help me.
Do you want to be a better dad?
How about a savvy daddy?
HospitalImpact.org founder and ABCPastor friend, Tony Chen has launched SavvyDaddy.com, the web magazine/community dedicated to fueling your passion to be a great dad. They’ve got a good start and some big ideas that I can’t wait to see realized.
wanna be a better dad? i know i do.
my boy tony, creator of the healthcare blog, hospitalimpact.org needs your help to help superdads everywhere with savvy daddy. first he’s trying to get as many dads as possible to take this 10min web survey. so check out the link below and pass it along to savvy daddies like you.
or go directly to the survey here
need incentive? ok, one lucky dad will win $200 in American Express Gift Cheques (or if you choose, savvy daddy will donate the $200 to your selected charity). plus, you’ll be helping them figure out how to create something that’ll be useful and fun for you.
The other day I resisted the urge to put the kabash on Jayden’s television watching. He was watching sesame street. I’m so glad that’s still on. Well, I was at the dining table working on my sermon. The credits were rolling and I was about to get up and grab the control and let him know that his time is up. But I didn’t right away this time. When the credits roll he puts on this little dance. He’s so in the moment – so happy. so free. it’s his time and it’s my time.
He’s engaged in his own reality in front of this light box and from the dining table I was watching mine. It was a precious moment taking a breath, watching him dance along with the rolling credits.
I need to breathe more.
Gosh I love this kid so much.
Here are some more moments to savor
That’ll give you a rash. . . I hear child services ringing. [link]
This is why our son doesn’t gain much more weight. He falls asleep eating! [link]
Read up on my boy Todd Hiestand, pastor of The Well in his process of adopting Mason Carlos Hiestand. He shares the process through a series of letters written to his new son from Guatemala. The process as most adopting parents know is long and disheartening at times. It’s a journey. Different from the experience of carrying a child within your body then facing the labor and birthing but a journey that also gives us insight into the heart of God.
These letters should make you all warm and fuzzy inside. I loved reading them and journeying with my brother through this process.
He and his wife, Melanie, went down to Guatemala this week to pick up their new son and bring him stateside. We joke around about being bi-racial and having that in common now. I have no idea what he’s talking about.
Here’s a snippet of his thoughts,
You do need to know something about the first nine months of your life. Your foster mother loved you deeply (I know that she still does too). For some reason, I didn’t think about how hard it would be for her to pass you off to us. I knew it was going to be for you, but I hadn’t thought about her. For the first nine months of your life she cared for you, bathed you, fed you, held you when you cried and loved you well. And now she has passed you on to us so that we could do the same and make you part of our family. I imagine she finds comfort in knowing that you have changed hands and families for the final time.
Honestly, Mason, I don’t know exactly how to process the role of your foster mom. I can understand your birth mom knowing that in order for you to have a full and best possible life she would have to entrust you to another loving family. I can’t imagine doing that, but I can at least get it a little in my head. But for some reason I think the love of your foster mom fits into a different category. She welcomed you into her home, knowing full well that she would one day have to say goodbye.
Cultural differences are clearly something that we wrestle with more than ever in society, church and even homelife. Things are not simply black and white. Those who live in the margins know that very well.
djchuang recently highlighted two articles from the gospel herald about Dr. Peter Lam (director of Asian Family Today and father of two second gen children) on improving the communication between Chinese parents and their ABC (or not) children. lam points out the obvious problems or methods employed (to those of us who are ABC) – rebuking, punishment, guilt – and he offers simple advice to parents – encouragement is key – and other biblical sounding counsel.
two articles
Researcher Comments on Cultural-Clash in Chinese Families
Communication Must Improve in Chinese Families, Researcher Says
i also enjoyed this thoughtful post from Nikki Toyama co-contributor of more than serving tea, about boundaries, enmeshment and justice. she poses some great questions that i wrestle over with my non-asian wife. how do you manage boundaries on the mission field, in doing mercy and justicework? do you?
I’m beginning to wonder if boundaries are the luxury of the middle class. Is there such thing as boundaries when you’re doing justice work?
I’ve wondered about boundaries, Asian American families, and Christian discipleship. What therapists call “enmeshment” is a common occurrance in Asian American families. Is it an issue that we need to fight against in the Asian community. Or is family therapy culturally bound.
What some might called “enmeshed” has great characteristics. There’s a wonderful sense of involving everyone, and a corporate identity that is a healthy antidote to a narcissitic individualized model. But it has its problems too.
From my limited vantage point, it comes across as parents who are very upset at a young person’s decision. A lot of emotional pressure lands on the young person to comply to their wishes. I’ve heard extreme cases of threatening suicide unless a young person changes their plans. More common examples are sleepless nights, extreme anxiety, etc. Are the young people just clueless and self-absorbed? Or is the older generation enmeshed? Both?
Is this just how things get done in Asian American households? What’s the Christian response?
What’s cultural? What’s Christian? What’s do we embrace and what do we work against?
Back in 2003, the BBC had featured the cultural clash in The Asian Family.
Listen to their program here.
ok…onward with the jayden videos.
here’s a fresh one of us playing the N-O game.
the terrible twos actually start much earlier than 24mos. i read that it’s around 15mos. no was just one of those words that seemed so natural for him to say. i really wish he wouldn’t use the word so liberally most times but how could you resist when he says it so…cutely.
we seriously have to take parenting to another level since we give jayden choices. he’s learning that daddy and mommy do respect his N-Os but not always. he still has no concept of consequences. just a sucker for pain. like father like son. o original sin. sigh.
I received my Apple mug today straight from 1 Infinite Loop –
but someone loves my mug more than me…
i think i’ve turned this into the official jayden blog. hollaback if you’re fans of jayden!!!
i can’t help it. he’s my son and he’s just that cute! life has not been the same. seriously though i’ve learned some incredible lessons through him. he’s finally on solids now! check out the latest video posted on youtube. he’s learning how to eat and having a grand time doing it.
there’s other vids there, if you’re interested. enjoy!
asian dad . . .
i found that i’m already being a typical asian dad. yesterday jayden went to see the doctor and got 3 shots. brave boy. he was measured and weighed as well. as it turns out jayden at 6mos old is at 25th percentile for height, weight, head size. my reaction was like, what? only 25th percentile? what’s wrong? what’s up with that? where’s the other 75 percent? i can’t even imagine what 100 percent would even be like but still AIYA! sigh…i love this kid anyway. i’m still learning. i don’t know nothing about this dad stuff. he makes me laugh from deep inside out and melts my heart faster than butter on a hot plate.
more than just cute…
i’d love to tell you all about this experience of my being a new father except i’m not sure where to even begin. is there even time to process it all or be still in between all the crying, feedings, burpings, rocking, changings? and that’s just me. well, almost three weeks later, i’m still standing.
we just don’t picture in our minds the all work involved in having a child. we just ooh and aww at all the cuteness. babies are definitely cute no doubt — especially mine. wink. wink. we’re better parents before we actually become parents. it’s already time to start building habits into his life like helping him sleep on his back. jayden loves sleeping on daddy’s chest on his tummy. however, daddy will never get any sleep that way or worst yet, drop his little precious some point 4am in the morning. already, i’m spoiling him. i’ll put him down in his sleeper and moments later he’ll get fussy which means he’s not going to sleep. i need to show him that it’s night time and people sleep – on their backs.
so here’s the lesson: rather than taking the easy way out for the short term satisfaction, allowing him to sleep on my chest for the duration of the night just so he’ll stop fussing, crying and just simply sleep, i’ll have to keep putting him down in the sleeper each and every time throughout the night even if he’ll fuss all night so that he’ll learn to not be attached to me, sleep in his own bed and on his back at night. this may take many nights.
kinda reminds me of a scene in top gun, is maverick going to fly again? we’ll just “keep sending him up”. there may be some places in our lives where we’d like to be comfortable or that we default to because it’s just plain easier but God may have other plans to kick that habit out of our lives and push us to be stretched to grow.
as new parents, we can’t really complain. overall, jayden’s a very good baby in my opinion. he doesn’t cry throughout the night. we actually get some moments of rest. gosh darnnit, even when he does something unpleasant, he’s just so cute that we’re won over. and now we know some things that he can’t stand like, being naked, getting his diaper changed, being hungry very long and of course sleeping on his back.
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