emotional rollercoasters ::.

it’s been a real emotional couple of weeks.
short list: newborn babies, a final exam, frequent medical examinations, unnerving individuals, a wedding, having my past catch up with me, seeing old friends, a funeral.

an exerpt from a grief observed by CS Lewis which I observed at my friend Caleb’s funeral. Lewis wrote this at an immense time of grief in his life over the loss of the love of his life, Joy Davidman Gresham.

And then of [Caleb], and of every created thing I praise, I should say ‘in some way, in its unique way, like Him who made it.’
Thus up from the garden to the Gardener, from the sword to the smith. To the life-giving Life and the Beauty that makes beautiful.
‘[He] is in God’s hand.’ That gains a new energy when I think of [him] as a sword. Perhaps the earthly life I shared with [him] was only part of the tempering. Now perhaps He grasps the hilt; weighs the new weapon; makes lightnings with it in the air. ‘A right Jerusalem blade.’

– revised from C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

cs lewis is a great read and an incredibly honest man, in grief he attempts to answer the question: how could a God, who is supposed to be good, allow pain and suffering to His beloved people?  lewis is driven by his tremendous sorrow to examine the statement: suppose God were, in fact, bad.  suppose men were nothing more than rats trapped in the laboratory of a mad celestial vivisectionist. (33)  we can sense his grief and all his emotions as he answers his own question and excuses it as, “a yell rather than a thought.”  he decides it is not sensible to believe in a bad God because there would be “no motive for obeying Him.” (37) 

Caleb Fung :: November 12, 1975 – August 13, 2004
his short life inspired me. his death impacted me profoundly in ways in which I still cannot explain. all i know is that i want to really live. walk on. walk on. walk on.

joy and pain. like sunshine and rain.


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[american born chinese pastor]
seeks to be that third place for those who are american born chinese [abc] in ministry.
here we may explore issues unique to the chinese church and doing ministry in that context
expand the intersection of asian american culture and christian faith
or simply expose what goes on in the mind of this abcpastor

this may be a bit ambitious or even naiive but i do hope that through the posts we can bring together different faith communities, passions for the advancement of the Gospel and the equipping of the body of Christ.

if you are an abc pastor or have any suggestions or would like to contribute to make this space evolve, just comment.


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